Thursday, June 7, 2012

Teaser Time Again

Well, it's been a while since I posted a teaser from my book. I don't like to give to much away, but I love to hear comments from all of you. Yes, my book is still a work in progress so forgive the boo boo's. I have not gone through a second time yet in revisions, but any critiques you want to offer is fine. I will be working on the chapter again in the next few months.

This is from chapter three and I hope you like it. Stevie is my heroine and Jack is one of her best friends.

Instead of heading straight home after their last class, Jack talked Stevie into going to lunch at the local hangout. Since both were seniors, they finished with classes early, and besides, the diner was just across the street from the school. The lunch crowd had died down a bit, and Jack found an empty booth in the far corner. He ordered his customary burger and fries, and Stevie added, “Make that two.” As the waitress left, Stevie turned her attention to Jack to find a grin had formed on his lips.
            “What’s up, Jack?” Stevie asked.
            “Nothin’ really—just, my mom let slip that I’m getting an iPad for graduation.”
            Stevie fidgeted in her seat. “Wow, an iPad? I thought your new car was your graduation present?”
            “I thought so too, but I guess my dad is over the top about me being accepted to DU.” he shrugged his shoulders. “Besides, I think I did good.”
            Stevie smirked. “Of course you did, but they are really going all out…” A sharp pain stopped her in mid-sentence. “Ow…” She slammed the palms of her hands against her forehead; disoriented by an onslaught of vertigo. Opening her eyes a slit, she saw Jack’s lips moving, but his voice was faint; as if he were far away. Everything went dark. Stevie felt herself wrenched backward, and then a sudden halt forced her eyes open. The pain in her head was gone, but so was the restaurant.
            Stevie was in a forest; one she did not recognize. She opened and closed her eyes to see if this was real, but the scene before her never wavered. The hair on the back of her neck stood up. The ground began to vibrate below her feet, followed by the sounds of hooves coming fast. Moving off the path, she managed to back against a tree, before fear immobilized her.
A massive black horse sped past; its feathered fetlocks kicked up a great dust cloud. It bore two riders, a man and a very pregnant woman. Stevie blinked in disbelief. Suddenly, she found herself on the horse watching the trees fly by in a blur. The unexpected change in location, made Stevie grab for the pommel in panic; a panic that increased when she found herself reaching over her now swollen belly. Turning her head slightly to avoid losing her balance, she managed to glimpse the man seated behind her, but his only focus seemed to be on pushing the horse faster.
“Stay covered,” The man called, above the sound of the wind and hoof beats. “It has to be the Rebellion. I will lose them in the forest.”
Ghorgon. His name is Ghorgon, and he is trying to protect me. Stevie felt herself melding into the moment; losing the Stevie part of her to become one with this woman, Carlynn. Her name is…my name is…Carlynn.
Carlynn’s heart was in her throat. How could they have found us already? Entering the forest, Ghorgon had abandoned the trail and pushed his horse to full speed, weaving quickly between the trees. Arrows struck the pines around them, missing her only because of Ghorgon’s skill and Acton’s agility. Carlynn grabbed the war horse’s mane, holding on for dear life, as they leapt over fallen logs and darted left and then right and right again. She ducked at Ghorgon’s command, head barely missing an overhanging branch. The sound of a falling rider behind them told her that at least one of the pursuers had not been so fortunate.
The clamor of breaking limbs and thundering hooves faded at the next sharp turn. Just as Carlynn began to believe they had outpaced the Rebels, Ghorgon pulled up hard. The path had ended at the precipice of a cliff. Carlynn craned her neck forward and spied a narrow deer trail meandering down the cliffside and was horrified when Ghorgon turned Acton in a circle and lunged toward it.
            “Hang on,” he roared, as they plunged over the edge. Carlynn screamed.

I hope that you liked it. I would love to hear what you have to say. Have a wonderful weekend and I look forward to your thoughts.

Love, Lisa


  1. It's more exciting than the first time I read it. The only thing that bugged me was Ghorgon roars "Hang on" I think it's just too modern for their lifestyle and more proper speech. But, we discussed that, so you do with it what you want.

    Looking forward to Tuesday!

  2. I think your right Robin, any suggestions as to what he would say?

  3. Lisa, this is a riveting piece! A great action scene. As for Ghorgon's style of speech, "hang on" didn't strke me as something odd to stay; but I guess I'd have to read more of the language style. Anyone would say "hang on" if they were about to jump a precipice. Enjoyed this! Hmmm, maybe I should reconsider editing your book... Rita Kuehn

  4. I would love for you to be my editor Rita, but I have a feeling you cost a pretty penny, you're to good of a writer! I am so glad you liked my excerpt and I appreciate you saying you would consider being my editor, means a lot!